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Jenmarie is a bubbly and petite thirty-one year old who loves to laugh and always thinks shopping is a good idea. She has been happily married for eight years to the man of her dreams and loves all things Star Wars & Disney. You've stumbled upon her blog of fashion, beauty and lifestyle where she shares her outfits, reviews, beauty tips, favorite things, and inspirational pick-me-ups. Have a look around and send her a note if you wish!

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A Lost Friendship

A Lost Friendship | Style Through Her Eyes

Once upon a time there was a brunette and a blond with an unbreakable bond. They knew each other since Kindergarten and shared most of their childhood together. They had many movie and dress-up nights, spent hours talking about silly things on the phone, shopped until they dropped, and often went to Disneyland and many wonderful musicals in LA. They were best friends. After graduating High school together they continued to stay close while one went off to college and the other fell in love and got married. They didn't see each other as often but still kept in touch and always celebrated special occasions. Very slowly the random get-togethers, text messages and phone calls happened less often. Little did the brunette know that the last day she'd see her very best friend was on her twenty-fifth birthday. The blond went to live somewhere much further away and let go of most everyone from her previous life. The brunette found out via Facebook when she realized her and her best friend were no longer listed as "friends". To this day (that was almost three years ago) the brunette is still unaware of what happened and was left hurt and frustrated without any explanation. The days and dreams were rough in the beginning but have slowly gotten better. She has done her part in trying to reach out without any success. While she will probably always carry that frustration of the unknown, she has chosen not to have a hard heart against her. For one day if her friend comes around, she wants to be there with a hesitant heart but open arms. Because grudges blacken our souls and prevent peace and reconciliation. The days are short and we are called to love, even when someone in our life at times feels very close to an enemy.

A Lost Friendship | Style Through Her Eyes

Indeed, that is a story about me. I never shared it before because it always felt too recent. In fact, it doesn't even seem like that much time has passed already since I lost my friend. It's also obviously very personal and I left a lot out for privacy reasons in case she ever did come upon this. It's crazy how much I still think about her but now I find that sometimes several days go by without her ever even crossing my mind. I don't not want to remember though. I always want to remember her and everything we did growing up together. She will always be in my heart. Sometimes it's hard though. I'll be dusting the living room and cleaning a particular object that was a gift from her and I ask myself, "What is the point of even keeping this on display? It's not like she cares about me.". I don't know why, but I've left pretty much everything in it's place. In fact, she is still on my speed dial. That I could probably change.

Anyhow, I shared this in hopes that it might help someone else who's reading. If you've gone through a similar situation, know that you are not alone and that there are people like you who have been hurt and who have had absolutely no closure, like myself. But I encourage you to make sure your heart does not become hard against that person. God calls us to love our enemies and to treat others the way we want to be treated even if they have done the absolute worst to us. If you feel that person can no longer be an important part of your life or if you need to slowly let them back in, that is absolutely fine. It's different for everyone. But instead of letting the sadness, anger, or even depression take over you, try to hold onto the good memories and pray for that person. Think of them the way you used to. And remember, everyone deserves a second chance!

A Lost Friendship | Style Through Her Eyes

I will end this by saying that I truly believed my best friend would always be there. I pictured us growing old and still talking on the phone and getting together for some shopping and Starbucks. But sometimes there are things we cannot control. That's how life is and there will be people coming and going constantly. Make every effort to do your part, let the person know you care and keep in touch - somebody has to be the first person to make a move! Treasure your friends AND your family. Be grateful for the people God has brought into your life and enjoy them NOW.

All images via Pinterest.

9 comments:

Teresa said...

Heartbreaking - and even more so for me than other readers. The aches of my children hurt me so deeply.
You are a strong and beautiful woman. I am proud that you told your story, and of the heartfelt inspiration you have shared <3

Closet Fashionista said...

Aww that is so sad!! :(
Something kind of similar happened to me, after I graduated college my best friend (from college) and I said we'd keep in touch and after a while she kinda stopped talking. I tried a couple times to ask if she wanted to hang out buut she was always busy. We do still like each others stuff on FAcebook but I miss actually seeing her. And she just got engaged and I doubt I'll be in the wedding (but when we were in school she said she wanted me too...she was thinking about marriage then too, it was only 3 years ago)
And then a best friend from when I was younger moved away and just stopped talking to all of us who lived here. We were FB friends for a while and then she deleted me. So depressing. I hate losing touch with people.
http://www.closet-fashionista.com

Rowena @ rolala loves said...

It's really sad when people drift out of our lives like this but all you can do is move on and it sounds like you've got a great perspective on things.

Rowena @ rolala loves

Casee Marie said...

First of all, this was such a brave and beautiful post, Jen - I'm so proud of you for putting it out there! I often find that writing about things can be therapeutic. I hope this was for you. It's such a shame that if your friend really felt the need to separate herself from loved ones she couldn't have offered more of an explanation or attempted to ease the hurt somehow. But your healthy attitude is really the best way to cope with things like this. It's vital for us to be at peace in our lives as much as we can, and a huge part of that is learning to heal ourselves from the pain others inflict on us, which can come unintentionally in so many ways (or intentionally in many others). I imagine you wouldn't trade your childhood and teen years with your friend despite the hurt she caused; being able to forgive and let go of anger/resentment is what really helps us live a full and happy life. If for any reason a friendship is lost or a relationship is broken, focusing on our present rather than our past opens us up to whatever beautiful things might come next. To attract love and peace we must first be love and peace, I think.

When social media first started gaining popularity I remember thinking it would be a wonderful way to stay connected with childhood friends more often than with the yearly birthday conversation, but I think with the way it's evolved it's caused people to grow apart instead. A quick one-sentence message on each other's page soon replaces the yearly conversation, and then that one sentence gets more and more obligatory, maybe it even stops altogether. That's where technology is so double-sided, it can connect friends who wouldn't have been able to meet otherwise - like you and me, being literally on opposite sides of the country - but it can also create distance in our offline relationships. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad that you're turning a painful experience into something inspiring by using it to reach out to others who've gone through the same thing. I think sometimes it's so easy for us to keep things to ourselves and let them manifest until we think we're alone, that there's something wrong with us. Then comes that beautiful moment when someone speaks up and we can say, "You, too? I thought I was the only one!".

Sending you a big hug, dear, and lots of love! xoxoxo

the Citizen Rosebud said...

I'm sorry for your loss- the thing is- people change, and bonds can loosen its hold. Like any relationship. We've got rituals to end romantic ones but none for the end of our dear but platonic ones. I've experienced both sides of this heartbreak, Jen, and it is wrenching both ways. The one that got outgrown, left behind, and the one that for whatever reason, has felt the heart grow cold and the bonds, once thought of as everlasting, dissolve into a heap of dust.

A couple of my greatest heart aches come from the loss of such friendships. Nothing lasts forever, love, and we can't control the pulls of the heart, not the correlation of crossed paths. Mourn, be sad, and release this pain. Make room for a new friend where you share same interests, spirit and joy of sharing.

Hugs!

Heidi said...

Thank you for sharing this Jen! This took a lot of courage for you to share such a private story.

I have never really experienced this but I agree with Casee Marie's post as well. Social Media has it's positives and negatives. We all change throughout life. Sometimes Facebook, twitter, etc can show a life that is not really so. That can create distance and heartache.

If she really cared about you she would of stayed in connection with you.
Maybe someday she will realize what she lost and try to connect with you again. If your friendship is meant to be, it's meant to be. ;)

Cheryl van den Berg said...

Loved reading this because I have had almost the exact situation happen to me with a best friend. Now I feel like writing about it on the blog.

But I really like what you said about not holding a grudge because it takes too much of your time to do that. It's much better to just let it be.

http://www.ohtobeamuse.com/

Mindy Young said...

Facebook is so flaky. It's completely possible it was accidental. With such a long history you owe it to yourself and your friend to message her. Ask her. Tell her you would still like to keep in touch and see if you did something to offend. I recently did that with someone that Unfriended me and found out she didn't think I still cared about her. If it hurts you it probably hurts her too!

Mary Ann said...

I had someone contact me and ask why I'd unfriended because he couldn't think of anything he'd done to offend. I'd not unfriended him. FB had done it; I guess it was a glitch. It caused me to check my friend and I saw a few names that had unfriended me, so I contacted them. NONE of them had unfriended. They were as shocked as I had been over it. We re-friended and I put a post on the timeline that everyone should check their friend lists to see if such had happened to them. An unhappy situation was avoided because someone had the courage to ask. So have courage and ask. You might be surprised.

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